Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Whatever path you take. .

Whatever path you take it is better to make the move than to stay dithering on the edge of the cliff. If indeed there is a cliff. For me making a decision is the hardest thing to do. What if I get it wrong? What if I make the wrong choice and something terrible happens? Or indeed something wonderful? How can I tell which it will be? Surely it's easier to stay put, to do nothing and hope it will all somehow resolve itself without any conscious input.

My in tray is a physical manifestation of this mind set. It stands a little to my right threatening to topple over under the weight of matters that must be addressed. I ignore it, or so I think, but the stress of pretending it doesn't exist begins to grow. I feel tense, I suffer from a vague anxiety that I really ought to be doing something about all that paperwork. The pile grows, I feel worse.

Then comes the day, when I tip it all out onto the bed, the only space big enough to accommodate all that stuff, and begin to sort through it. Immediately I feel better, lighter.

As I make space in my office, there is more space to work and I set too with more enthusiasm. The tension disappears, I become more creative, ideas flow.

I don't believe in making New Year's resolutions. They only make me tense and worried that I won't be able to keep them. There is one thing however that I am determined to achieve in 2014. I will make decisions. I will not pile stuff into a basket and wait for it to go away.

Better take the path into the forest and deal with what you meet there, than hover on the fringe and expect something to happen.

There are no fairy godmothers, there is only me.

Sunday, 15 December 2013

Christmas Crackers.

This year for the first time in over ten years I won't be hosting Christmas. Instead the family will all be going down to Bristol to spend Christmas Eve with my daughter, her husband and their two year old. This should mean that December is much less stressful than usual. I don't have to cook, or to remember to buy all the fresh produce, or seek out the hard to find stuff like roll mop herrings. There's no second guessing either about how much people will eat and what will prove popular this year as opposed to last year.

All in all, I can relax and get on with writing and editing. Except I can't. Somehow it these dark turn of the year days I have an almost unstoppable urge to bake and cook and decorate the house and go round the shops and visit friends, anything rather than sit in front of the screen and do some work.

Is it because the greyness makes you want to cosset yourself? If you can't pull the duvet over your head and sleep it out, is the next best thing to eat, drink and be merry, until the days lengthen and the sun shines again?